Bed-rotting vs BHAG's

...and a secret third way

Scenes from the perineum of the year…

I’m a huge fan of Betwixtmas.

The fire lit before lunch, rewatching beloved movies or inhaling the gifted book stash, clad in ‘outside pyjamas’. Bewildered to find it’s actually Thursday. And a whole other year?! For over two decades, this has been a midwinter bliss to have no pressure to do anything other than hibernate.

But right now, it’s 23 degrees outside, and it's not even 8 am. I’ve been for a walk with the pooch before the heat gets too much for him. And even though all of my New Zealand childhood summers were at this time of year, after 20+ years of UK winters, this feels peculiar.

The trick is to not look at your phone.

The ad-spam urgency of diets and making this The Best Year EVER!!!, and divorce coaches?! is exhausting.

This is interspersed (on my socials, anyway) with acres of memes encouraging bed-rotting as an act of anti-colonial rebellion. Which leaves me feeling like any intentions, goals, or growth for the year mean being complicit with capitalism’s productivity obsession.

Neither approach feels helpful or true to me.

I love the process of personal growth that comes from keeping promises to myself and playing with devotion and learning and progress - its so bloody fulfilling. But we really have got our collective knickers in a knot over how we do this.

The general approach is that focus, willpower, and motivation - that ‘GO ALL IN!’ vibe - is the way to achieve our goals.

But it’s so not. Like, SO NOT.

Sidenote: I wonder if all the bio-hacking bros who seem to buy into this ALL IN approach somehow need it to be hard so they can claim an ‘alpha exceptionalism??’

Anyhoo.

All we tend to achieve with this strategy is a shit-load of self-criticism for not meeting a standard that was impossible in the first place. Also: burnout.

And if you’re anything like me, the idea that you must be this unrelenting and focused will likely give you the massive ick and put you off even exploring potential goals.

This creates an equally unhelpful myth: the only alternative to going ‘all in’ is never trying.

Which brings us to here - the first week of January - where the world is yelling at all of us to choose ‘Team: Big Hairy Audacious Goals’ or ‘Team: Bed Rot Until Spring’.

In the middle of this ridiculous and unhelpful binary is the vastness of a wildly creative, infinitely more appealing third thing.

In between these extremes is our actual lived experience - our choices, desires, and secret longings - those ‘I wonder if this year I might actually do it?’ ponderings...

Because what if you could have exactly what you wanted?

What if your success is guaranteed?

What if achieving your goals is the most effective way to build self-belief, self-worth, self-acceptance and self-trust? (Spoiler: totally is! Building self-esteem comes from doing esteemable things).

For the record: I completely and unreservedly believe in your capability to achieve your goals. 100%. Not a doubt in my mind. It’s my job! AND I want you to know that the way you approach your goals is everything.

So because I bloody love the fresh start of a new year and I love the process of bringing goals to life, behold:

1. After half a dozen ParkRuns, I’m now a total convert to this free communal magic. Right now, I’m walking for an hour and usually coming in a few folks ahead of the Tail Walker (on every ParkRun, a volunteer walks at the back so no one comes last 🥹 single-handedly healing my high school cross-country run shame). I’ll be running the whole 5km distance (no stops!) before my October birthday, so I’m back on my bullshit.

2. I’ll complete the shitty first draft of my book by Easter. You too? Follow along here.

3. I’m getting my money sorted. Mostly, it’s about being more conscious of money - having a proper grown-up relationship with it. Planning my spending, saving more, not buying shit I don’t need.

I know that these goals are 100% done by embracing compassion, courage, and psychological flexibility.

These are goals that need time and space and energy to unfold. I’m in no huge rush.

Because there will be inevitable setbacks and self-doubt; there will be days when I can’t be arsed - of course!

This approach is quieter and less urgent.

It’s also hard work! It means being with discomfort and doubts; The Feelings. It means doing things that are out of preference. Because there are such good reasons why I haven’t achieved these already. I also need to encourage myself, to be a supporter and a problem solver. And I need the helpful perspective of trusted others too - this is why coaching is so wonderfully effective!

Our goals are achieved from a thousand everyday choices that keep us in a relationship with each goal until it’s done.

If you believed you could create what you want, what would you choose to explore this year?

PS: The Self-belief Journalling Thingo I mentioned is totally happening! This will be a monthly paid post ($USD50 for the year) with self-reflection questions and resources as well as a community chat on Substack. Coming v. soon :)