Before we organise the resistance, let's feel the rage.

Here we go again.

There is a super memorable episode of The Good Fight (the - much better IMHO! - spin-off show of The Good Wife) after senior lawyer Diane Lockhart begins micro-dosing psilocybin as a coping mechanism for Trump’s first term, and she imagines an alternate reality where Hillary won.

The fantasy starts to disintegrate as Diane realises that Clinton’s victory has unwanted consequences.

There is no Women’s March or #MeToo movement - her latest client turns out to be a still-thriving Harvey Weinstein. Because white feminism has ‘won’, there is also no reckoning with our entrenched racism; a woman in the White House means nothing really needs to change.

It was startling to acknowledge that the fantasy of Trump losing turned out to be less appealing than I thought.

So, here we go again.

As the ‘hot takes’ of yesterday’s inauguration flooded in, I was reminded of this episode. It helped a little with the dread.

I have no idea what’s coming, and there is no need to try and polish this turd, but maybe there will be unintentional benefits?

Given the tech-bros have effectively bought this presidency, with their weird divorced dad incel loser vibes and their billions, it feels more possible than ever that a reckoning with capitalism is waiting in the wings.

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BTW: I really enjoyed this conversation with Belgian-Dutch philosopher and economist Professor Ingrid Robeyns, who has rich and innovative thoughts about the argument for limitarianism - where we agree on limits for personal wealth.

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So, I am totally here for the dissent and the resistance. But there’s no need to rush.

Personally, I don’t believe any of us are here by accident - perhaps we have been preparing our whole lives for these times?

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we have been schooled by the cultural saturation of romantasy novels and superhero movies, replete with strong female protagonists fighting against evil.

Also: the astrology for the next few years is MEGA #sayin

And many of us have been radicalised not just by witnessing genocide but the horrifying knowledge that our taxes funded those weapons. There is no escape.

So yes, I am desperate for stronger bonds in our communities, mutual aid, sharing and bartering. I want to sit around battered kitchen tables with vats of tea and PLOT.

I want to be drenched in creativity and brilliantly creative satire (anyone else remember the art, music, film and comedy that emerged in response to Thatcherism?).

I want us to share childcare, recipes and ideas for dismantling the patriarchy.

To raise kind humans. Raise money. Raise hell.

I want us to reject the idea that we are in competition with each other. Reject the idea that groups of women are unsafe (you can trust your discernment). Reject the unimaginative and unimaginable idea that gender is binary.

I want us to make deep peace with ‘selfish’. And ‘bossy’. And ‘fat’. And ‘old’.

To be so rested it’s nothing to drop off a meal, a book, an hour of your time.

I want us to feel safe to be vulnerable. Be messy. Be available.

To say no. Switch off. Stay at home.

Take a stand. Take a knee. Take no shit.

To have the courage to call out every instance of sexism and misogyny where your safety is not in jeopardy.

I want us to question authority. Question advertising. Question anyone who claims to speak for you.

To make friends. Make a difference. Make a ruckus.

I want us to be unwavering in our values.

Unapologetic in our joy.

Unrelenting in our pleasure.

To just eat the fucking cake.

I’m just not rushing to figure it out.

Right now, I need to let myself cry. Throw a tantrum. Turn off the news. Howl at the moon. Journal my heart out. Throw a ball for the pooch. Chat with my beloveds.

Because: the Nazi salute. The cruel and unnecessary attempts at the erasure of trans and genderqueer people. The complete abdication of any responsibility for the climate emergency. The fucking hypocrisy of a thrice divorced sexual predator preaching about family values. The blaming immigrants instead of billionaires. The stupidity. The lies. The unfair bullshit of it all.

I’m also hyper-aware of the temptation to switch off from all of it—I don’t live in the States, and he is literally not my President. But I do currently call Aotearoa home—a country that elected a right-wing coalition in response to a liberal Prime Minister openly driven by kindness. As our global challenges become more complex, populist politicians are everywhere clamouring for power. 

There is no safe place for any of us. The world is tiny. Our threads, our fates, are woven together.

I know I’m not the only one who is scared right now. I hate that I feel like this - it makes me feel helpless and small. But I know I’m not. I’m just a human, engaged with my heart and the world, and right now, times *are* scary. I find comfort and courage in saying that out loud and in knowing I’m far from alone.

And maybe it's because I’m an OG pacifist, but I have absolutely no desire to build loads of resilience against this fear and sorrow and disappointment. I am learning to disengage from any form of ‘war energy’, including going into battle with myself or reality.

I want to be with all of it because I am willing to have my heart broken again and again in pursuit of the world I want to live in.

We are worth it.